What doesn't kill you....

I’m a person who has always loved exercise.  Mostly I loved to play, but I have found as I got older, folks don’t say, “Hey, do you want to go out and play?”  They say “are you going to yoga?  Are you going to spin? You wanna go for a surf?  You wanna go for a walk?  Are you going for a bike ride today?”  I have always derived great joy from my ability to move, work, think, play, and create.

I loved how strong I was. I loved being a Big Girl.  I would refer to myself as such.  Most people would say, “you’re not a Big Girl”, like being big was bad.  Maybe when I was over weight… I have had those seasons in my life, and those were not so good from a health perspective, but whether you are 18 or 54 years old and you’re 6 feet tall and 170 lbs.…. you’re big, compared to the general population.  I personally loved being Big, Smart, Fit, Creative, Loving, and Strong.

On July 15, 2016,  I woke up, called work to make sure they needed me.  The answer was “YES!!!” So I got up, put on the clothes I had set out the night before, drank coffee, ate breakfast, loaded up my lunch in my already prepared work bag, I did all the things I normally did to prepare myself for a full day of “saving lives and stamping out disease.”  Before heading out to the garage, I walked over to the sink to give Robert a kiss, tell him I loved him, and then bury my nose in his neck and breath in a good strong whiff.  I then squatted down to my dog, Rodeo, to do the same…. Tell him he’s the best dog in the whole world, get a kiss from him, and then bury my nose into the back of his neck and take in a giant breath.  I stood up, swung my bag over my shoulder, and said “If I could bottle up the smell of you and Rodeo, and just pull it out of my pocket to pull out when work gets too stressful, I’m pretty sure I could handle anything.  Robert gave me the “Oh Catherine” look; I turned out the back door, through the backyard, into the garage, strapped my bag to my bike and my helmet on my head.  I wheeled my bike to the driveway, and took off for work.  Within the next 20 minutes, a truck would hit me.  My life as I knew it, would be turned inside out, upside down, tumbled around incessantly, and then spit out.  Not just my life, but also the lives of my husband, my kids, my parents, and my friends.  I dodged death.

Previously, I had thought ending up in the center of a mosh pit at The Clash concert at the Hollywood Palladium in 1982, or being held under a massive wave and tangled in seaweed while body boarding at Willow Creek in Big Sur, were my near death experiences.  Apparently not, I needed to get hit by a distracted driver of a truck, while riding to work.  Did I mention uninsured distracted driver?

I have recently been given permission by my surgeon to ride a stationary bicycle, “gently”.  What does “gently” mean? Well the first time I got on the bike it hurt like hell after 5 minutes so I decided it wasn’t time yet.  I tried again this past Friday and while it hurt, it wasn’t the same level of pain.  “OK, I can do this, gently.”  Yesterday, after having given myself two days of “gentle bike” recovery, I got back on.  As the wheels turned slowly and gently, I thought about a saying that on multiple occasions people have said to me.  “You know Catherine, what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.”  In my head I would “Could you just shut up!!!  There is no US here, it’s ME.  I’m the one with the messed up head and broken leg among other things…” I have managed for the most part to keep these thoughts to myself, to later have a crying fit with Robert or Rodeo. Depending on the source, some people mean well, they just don’t know what to say.  Unless a person has experienced a traumatic injury, that person does not know.  Our injuries are our own.  Anyway, as I was peddling away, I thought to myself, “Wow, I really understand that now.  I understand that saying.”  I feel it in my soul.

The reality is that because of my age and the type of injury, I won’t be doing some of the activities I loved.  I literally have to think, every time I put my foot down, turn, and do anything that requires my right leg.  Yes, it is healing, but that is my new reality.  I am not anywhere near the end of my recovery, at least I hope.  I have BIG plans for this body and mind.  Strong and Big do not necessarily mean physical strength or physical size, in my case, it’s starting with the mental portion.  Yes, what doesn’t kill us can make us stronger.  I just have to allow the process to reveal itself.

 I am still unable to drive and my friends and family are worn out from “will you????”  Have you ever heard of Uber Anxiety?  It happens when Uber drivers wear too much cologne, have stinky air fresheners attached to their air conditioning units, they are drivers who don’t show up at the last minute because they got a better fare, they don’t speak English, I have to tell them how to get where I want to go, and cannot seem to know to open the door for the lady with crutches.  I stayed home A LOT because of it.  Problem solved by hiring a driver.   After my second ride, she felt comfortable enough to ask me what happened.  I gave her the short version and she said, “Do you want to know what the psychic who used to be on 101 would say?”  I said I didn’t really believe in psychics, but sure.  “The psychic would say, sounds to me like the Universe gave you a Time Out.”  2 months ago I wouldn’t have had the ears to hear this, but in actuality, they were the right words at the right time.

So now, at this stage in my Universal Time Out, I will focus on what I’m supposed to learn from this, as well as exercise my physical body, within my limitations.  If you happen to see me in the ocean or the pool, know that I am envisioning myself with a perfect stroke, I am thanking God I get to swim and have learned the joy of a seated shower after my swim, that I’m praying for the folks who pop in to my head, including the guy who hit me, or pretending I’m just a regular old land locked mermaid.  Just playing in the pool.

Yes, I can honestly say “What didn’t kill me, will make me stronger.”  I’ll let you know when I’m there. In the meantime, thanks for reading my streams of consciousness.  And if you happen to be one of the many who brought meals, visited, prayed, sent a gift, called on the phone, gave me a ride, sent snail mail, or joined me in a bed party, just loved on me from near and far via social media or real life, Thank You.

This post is dedicated to a most excellent nurse at Sharp Memorial Hospital, Dave Marinelli.  He wheeled me out on my discharge day, my 31^st wedding anniversary, and his parting words were in effect, “Catherine, some of us took a look at your blog and I think you’ve got some stories to tell.”  Thanks Dan, for the care of the individual patient, Mind, Body, and Soul.  A real note is coming…. Baby steps… Gentle steps…

I hope this finds each and every one of you having a beautiful day.

In Health and Love,

Catherine

 Public service announcement.  his is me and my new helmet when the day they were bought, in 2015. Wear a helmet, and if you think you don't need a helmet, wear one anyway.  It could save you life and your brain.  Mine did.  #helmetsarecool And always be a mermaid.  If you can't be a mermaid, be one anyway. #imreallyamermaid  I don't know if the driver was texting, but please please please please please.... Do not text and drive.  Thank you.

It's a Knock Off

Have you ever gone into a store, seen something you really like, only to have sticker shock?  I do all the time, and decide to either purchase it anyway or not at all.  Well friends, I have a new plan… “The Knock Off.”  I purchase said garment with the intent to copy it.  It’s a new thing for me.  This whole being an empty nester and reading all kinds of sewing blogs... Well it has opened a whole new world of stitching to me.  Kind of like recapturing a lost love…

Caitlin was recently home for a visit.  Now that she is “working for the man”, we treasure those short bursts of time, when she comes home for a week end…. And inevitably, there’s a bit of retail therapy.  On her most recent trip, she wanted to get a cute bathing suit cover up.  She was headed to Greece and had a wedding reception/pool party to attend.  After our morning beach walk and coffee, we stopped in one of the local surf shops to peruse the racks.  We both saw it at the same time.  Then came the sticker shock.  FIFTY DOLLARS????  Holy Crow, I could make that!  Of course I used my "inside the store voice" and whispered, “I didn’t bring my phone, could you take a photo?”  We start snapping photos on her phone. Then I remembered I had stuck a credit card in my shorts.  In hushed whispers… “I’ll buy it.  Then I’ll copy it, then return it.”  I was informed by you know who, that  I didn’t have time… It wouldn’t get done… Blah Blah Blah…. Magic happens when someone tells me I can’t or won’t do something.

In the quiet of the evening, I started to make a pattern.  I’ve never done this with much success, but I’ve been sewing a lot lately, so I felt more confident.  

My first real attempt at making a pattern from finished clothing

Can you say "The Clothing of a Goddess???"

After drafting a bit of a pattern with my tracing paper, I started digging around in my “stash”.  I knew there was something in the den of creativity,  that would work perfect.  I found some white eyelet, 

Love Love Love This part

some lace that would work for the front, and started brainstorming how I could make the sweet little tassel in front.

Yup, I make tassels!!!

 Over the course of a couple days, I managed to complete my project.  

Always add dingle balls to any garment.  They're kinda like glitter. :)

There were times in the quiet of my sewing room, I would look over at Rodeo and show him the awesome thing I’d made.

Rodeo says, "Mom, I love it when you use dingle balls and leave the left overs for me."

 I’m most pleased with how the front set in lace turned out. Actually, I'm stoked with the whole damn thing!! I'm a flipping seamstress!!! While Caitlin had already returned to Houston, Adam, her boyfriend, was still here, living Caitlin’s life.  He was able to bring the completed project, I mean knock off, home to Texas.  I included a note that said, “if you want me to send the real one, I will.  Oh, and I’d rather give you the 50 dollars to spend in Greece.”  That’s what mom’s do… When their daughter’s are “Working for the Man….”

I think my “knock off” turned out SPLENDID!!  What do you think?

Rodoe's blessing of the garment.

I know it's for Caitie, I just wanted to try it on.

Ginger Goddess of Texas

THANKS MOM!  I LOVE IT!!

I hope this finds  you having a lovely day.

In Health and Love,  Catherine

Making Gramma's cookies for Puppa's Birthday Season

I didn’t grow up with my Grandparents close by.  Dad’s mom was in Wisconsin, his Dad was deceased, Mom’s were in Boston, travel wasn’t as easy so we just didn’t see them much.  Every other year my Gramma Porter would come out on the train or plane for Christmas and those were the best years, because she made cookies.  And cinnamon rolls.  Both were the best I had ever tasted.  My mother recalls the kitchen being a mess, I just remember flour all over the counter and cookies, lots of cookies.  Tomorrow’s my Dad’s 86th birthday.  What the heck do you get an 86 year old that can go get anything he wants himself?  I decided this year I would make him his mom’s cookies.  It wasn’t an easy task getting the recipe. However, after a few phone calls and a trip down memory lane with a cousin in Michigan, I got the recipe for Gramma Porter’s cookies AND her frosting.  I made up a batch today and from the very first bite, I was a little kid in the kitchen with my Gramma.  I guess the thing I am most grateful for is that my Dad is still around to enjoy the cookies.  And that he is really good at keeping in touch with folks, so he can call around the country and get phone numbers for me to call.  Happy Birthday Dad.  I hope you enjoy the cookies as much as I enjoyed making them.

PS  For those of you who have recipes in your family that you love, make sure you get them while you can. Rumor has it that Gramma made the best lemon meringue pie, I sure with I had tasted that too.

I hope this finds you having a great day.

In Health and Love,

Catherine

Roy and Eugene loving on Gramma, I'm just along for the love.

Good things start here.

Here's the flour!!!!

Decoration supervision

Puppa and Mr Poppins

Puppa's Box of Birthday Booty... Aunt Grace Style

Back to Texas

I know my life is a sound track.  I have a vivid memory of crossing the street in New Brunswick, New Jersey, behind Caitlin and her friend Rosie.  I was just singing my usual stream of consciousness when Rosie turned around and said “Catherine, I think your life is a soundtrack.”  Well, it is.  I may not be able to carry a tune too well, but they always seem to be filling some space in my brain and occasionally have to bust out in song and dance.

I can’t believe that I’m moving my daughter to Texas and that this event would be the catalyst for the return to me blogging.  The last time I blogged was after I had driven her and her stuff FROM Texas, post her college graduation.  Blogging is a lot of work.  In writing, I remember things and get to share my adventure with others.  Some things are just too good not to share.

It seems that just about every day for the last couple weeks, I’ve made some kind of goodness in the big yellow bowl to either say thanks to someone for being so awesome to my daughter, or just because I needed a little comfort and making pie or Caitlin’s favorite foods seemed to be the best thing to do. Tears that fall into pie crust or turkey loaf seem to be the perfect seasoning.  This morning, after last night’s feast, I thought, “Well, today is the day, time to hit the road.”

Yesterday, it seemed better to work on my “play list” for the big road trip than pack the one back pack of clothing I was allowed to bring on the trip.  By not packing and focusing on the music list, it meant the trip wasn’t really happening.  As I was revisiting my CD’s in the sewing room, I found my Honk CD, the soundtrack for a surf movie from the 70’s, “Five Summer Stories”.  I thought, “This is perfect!”, and I immediately emailed a photo of the album to my friend Chris, because I knew he would totally get it.  I said, “No road trip is worth it’s salt without this one.”  This morning, I had a response in my inbox, “Absofreakinglutely!!” and one verse... “The dew of your back drop changes, and each new day brings more delights.”  Despite the sun not shining today, despite the fact that my baby was off to live the rest of her life, everything was gonna be ok.  So after a nice walk to Swami’s with Caitlin and Rodeo, and the best poach eggs I’ve ever made, we set out in Caitlin’s car packed full of her worldly belongings.  First days destination was Tucson, Arizona.

 

Last time we drove through Tucson, it was late at night and we were on a two fold mission.  To get to Encinitas in one day from Carlsbad, New Mexico.... And for me to find the sign commemorating Jerry Garcia... In the blink of an eye, in the middle of the night, we saw that sign! I screamed for Caitlin to pull over.  About the length of a football field later, she did, and proceeded to back up.  Now mind you this is late at night, there are big rigs hauling past us, she’s tired and just wants to get home, and I want to find that roadside sign because I thought it would somehow make up for the fact that I hadn’t gotten to go to the Grand Canyon or White Sands National Monument.  I hop out of the car, trying to get a photo, and Caitlin yells “Mom, get back in the car!  I have a bad feeling and you told me to listen to those bad feelings so get back in the car NOW!! Who am I to argue with my daughter about listening to her gut?  So I get a lousy photo and I arrive in Encinitas at about 3 am.  Fast forward 2 more years.

It’s today, November 15th and I’m driving to Texas to drop my baby off to be with the man she loves. . .A new life that doesn’t include Mom making poached eggs or asking about her day.  We get closer to Yuma, she had googled where the sign would be on the road and has me keep my eyes posted.  We get closer.  I tell her if we listen to some Jerry Garcia, maybe that will help... We drive though Yuma, no sign, and I decide it’s OK, it’s just a sign.  I put different music on the ipod, I look up and at the same time, we see it.  IT’S THE SIGN!!!!  “Caitlin, pull over!!!!  We can run back!!!!!”  She keeps driving, I know she’s thinking.  She keeps driving.  “Mom, do you want me to pull a U Turn?  Do you really want to go back to that sign?”  I’m uncertain if I said yeah, let’s do it, or no, don’t worry about it, but then, out of nowhere, Caitlin pulls a UTURN!!!!  I thought Lady, (Caitlin’s Car) was gonna slide out on the gravel, but my race car channeling daughter pulls it off, we figure out where to turn around again safely, we pull over and she’s taking my photo and I’m just overwhelmed by what my girl just did, and then we see a truck slowing down and pulling over.  “Hey, do you want us to take your picture?”  It’s a nice clean cut looking couple.  “Yeah, and then we’ll take yours.”  We’re just a couple of people, hanging out on the highway, taking pics with a sign and loving life.  And I’m thinking this trip’s gonna be OK.

After the photo incident, we’re driving along.  My heart’s overflowing with what just happened.  I put on some Grateful Dead.  The song Willing comes on, Caitlin likes it so much, she wants to hear it again.  She asks about the lyrics and I explain.  Yeah, this is a great road trip and I’ll just say thank you.

I’ll leave you with another favorite quote from The Grateful Dead.  “Sometimes the light’s all shining on me, other times I can barely see.  Lately it occurs to me, what a long, strange trip it’s been.”  I’m sad that I’m going to be an empty nester, but I also know that Robert and I grew a couple of really awesome kids.  Kids that are nice to people, that love whole heartedly, are kind, smart, know how to read maps, and love a good road trip.  I’m excited to see tomorrows delights.  Maybe I’ll relive them and share them with you.  Regardless,  I hope this finds you having a good day/night.

In Health and Love,

Catherine

All Gone To Look For America - The Final Chapter

this is Westbound Lola... Loaded to the ground
Our route, on a map......Yes, Catherine will use a map and a gps.....
Do we know how to pack or what??? Vintage Saxton Road Trip
Hello!!! What's a road trip without Jerry Garcia? I'm gonna go look for this.

This is going to be a quick one. Three years ago, Dr. Farrell wrote down on a little yellow card from an epidural kit, "No hay mal, que por vien no venga." There is no bad that some good will come. I was driving home from a work meeting today and decided to think of the things I'm grateful for. Besides the usual bitchen house, relatively decent health, great husband and dog, roaming turtles, great kids, I was grateful for all the places I've gotten to go because my daughter ended up in New Jersey for the last three years of school. Yeah, and I am still going. Tomorrow I leave to fly to Texas, to do the last portion of what Caitlin has called Westbound Lola. I kept waiting for blogging action from her, guess I'm going to attempt to do it. Wanderlust occurred at an early age for me. Road trips, that's what our vacations were. Still are. Right here in America.

So here's a few of the places and things I'm grateful for.....My daughter's college education. Rutgers and the Rutgers Women's Volleyball Team. New Jersey including Glen Gardner and Rahway, New York including NYC, Nyack, Fiddle Camp, The Jersey Shore, getting to hear warm ups for Social Distortion for free, good places to eat in Edison, NJ including Rasaoi and the thai place, Laramie, Wyoming, Delaware, Virginia, North Carolina, Maryland, all the great National Parks and State Parks I got to see bits of, Indiana, Chicago, The Carri bean, Michigan, getting lost somewhere on Lake Michigan, Kentucky, Cincinnati, Florida... I been a lot of places that had Caitlin not gone so far away to college, I may have never seen them. Big Shout out for NCAA women's athletics, all the staff at Rutgers University, those nice young ladies at the Hyatt New Brunswick, all the wonderful people I came in contact with, who helped when I was lost and had time to talk story with me. Thank you. OK, I hope I have time to write while Caitlin and I are on the road.

In Health and Love,

Catherine

PS, I haven't quite learned all the tricks of my new computer so the pics are not where I want them... enjoy them anyway :)

St Catherine of Craftlandia

I stayed home from work today. I didn't feel well. I folded laundry, watched daytime television, drank tea, talked to a friend on the phone. I kept looking at the dried up, dead flowers in my Mermaid Vase.... It's a bad economy. It's extravagant to buy new flowers every week. Especially when I'm staying home from work and not getting paid.... But I LOVE my vase and don't want her to be empty... There went the lightbulb, I could make some tissue paper flowers!! They turned out great. I sent a photo via phone to some of my peeps. Molly replied, "Mom, you need to blog about it." Margaret replied, "St Catherine of Craftlandia." My favorite mermaid blogger replied, "I LOVE IT! So crafty!" She needed some pop, so I made one last gold one, in honor of Jules, and Mermaid Diaries. She had made some big paper balls using the same method for Caitlin's Golden Birthday. It was just what my arrangement needed, tonight and at the birthday. So tonight's blog is dedicated to Jules. And Molly. She's the one who said I didn't have to write a lot.

All I did was fold and cut tissue paper. I used pipe cleaners to hold the accordion folded paper, and then got pieces of bamboo from the garden and attached the flowers to the bamboo with the wire pipe cleaners.

I hate doing dishes. I don't like picking up messes. I did both tonight. After I finished my crafty floral arrangement.

PS..... I also like my new nickname..... Saint Catherine of Craftlandia.

I hope this finds you having a groovy day.

In Health and Love,

Catherine

Catherine, Warrior Daughter....

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of having a few hours off from my current season of parental duties. I had three hours, I folded laundry, loved on my dog, went to yoga. Some days everything comes together, some days it doesn't, I was most pleased to have Daniella teaching. So we're going through our asanas and for once I am actually breathing, praying, getting in the groove, and we get to the Warrior Series. I love the Warrior Series. I'm a big girl and I love the gracefulness that comes with moving in this series. Graceful, yet strong. The poses were named for the mythic warrior sage, Virabhadra. It encourages strengthening the entire body while improving mental capacity and self control. We can all use a little of that. While Daniella was explaining and encouraging us to be Warriors, I thought to myself, "I'm a Warrior. I'm in battle for my Dad." I instantly got stronger and while I went through the series in a second set, my prayer went up to the high heavens, for strength for me and all of the people involved in getting him back to Baja, and self control for me, when I get pissed off at the lack of communication in the health care system.

I've been sleeping at mom and dad's. This morning my mom called me into her room to show me one of her treasures. It was a music box that my dad had given his mom. He got it in Japan on one of his ship adventures. I told mom I remembered how I used to dust it and how I was super careful because if I didn't do it properly, "Mrs Clean" would surely let me know. And there at the top, I saw the Warrior.I tried winding up the music, the mechanism had not been wound in many many years. I took it apart and got it to work. I was talking to my mom. "Mom, you know why this is really cool that you brought this out?" I then proceeded to tell her that yoga is where I breathe and set intentions for myself and other people. It's where I can pray, uninterupted. I demontrated downward dog, and then showed her my warrior pose. "Mom, I'm going into battle for you and Dad. We're gonna get the correct feeding tube and Dad's gonna get back to his real life."

I enjoyed my early morning chat with mom. Being around here all the time, I get some special moment's, in between the not so special. Good is overwhelming bad. Today.

Tomorrow, Dad goes in to get a feeding tube placed in his stomach. It's going to give him more freedom, more time to get his broken flapper fixed.

By the way, God was making dad's bed tonight in the form of mom, straightening the Lovey and saying good night one last time for the day. I need to get to bed, we have an early day tomorrow and I need to be at my best as we go into battle. Warrior Style. Lot's of mental capacity and lots of self control.

As always, I wish you health and love,

Catherine